The Shitty Possible Consequences of Being a Renter


We all know how expensive it can be to rent, but what choice do you have when you are not in a position to buy a home?

Here is my little horror story.

In March 2017, we found a house to rent for under market value. We were paying $1,500/mo for a 4bd, 2.5ba house in Highlands Ranch, CO. This is practically unheard of in this area. We worked out a deal where the owner would buy materials, and my husband would do little projects on the weekends to spruce it up. Well, the owner never bought any materials, but we did what we could out of pocket, which was minimal. We were constantly getting foreclosure notices, but we trusted our landlord to handle it. We did this since we literally could not afford anything around here, and the home was not unlivable, so we dealt with it.

Fast forward to July, 2018. The owner looses the home through foreclosure to the Highlands Ranch Community Association (the HOA). This was devastating since my kids were finally just starting to make new friends in the area. At first, the HOA would not talk to us, and refused to acknowledge there were renters, and started the eviction process. Finally a few weeks later, we hear from their attorney, and they stop the eviction process since the owner had not lived there in many years. He promises at this time that if anything happens and we have to move, that he will promptly return our last months rent, and deposit, totaling $2,500.

In September 2018, their attorney says to use their realtor as a contact. He comes in, photographs the home, takes note of things that need repair so they can sell it. One item in the pictures was a horribly leaking kitchen faucet. Well, our kitchen faucet broke off completely the following week. We contacted the HOA’s attorney, since they refused to communicate with us directly, to see if they want us to make the repair and take the cost out of rent, or if they wanted to send a professional to fix it. They ignore us. Then 2 toilets start backing up repeatedly, and one shoots waste all over a carpeted bathroom in early October. We notify the HOA’s attorney, only to be ignored again.

As it turns out, they did a $0 quit claim deed to a nightmare of a house flipper without notifying us. In court, the new owner presented e-mails between him and the HOA’s attorney, letting him know of the issues with the house and asks him to contact us. He never does, and at this point, the assessor’s office still reflects that the HOA owns the home, so this is who we continue to contact. Then, the new owner shows up at the door with a horrid attitude, and kicks our pumpkins off the porch when I would not agree to just leave the property within a couple days. I did not even know who he was, as the realtor said there were legal issues and that the house could not be sold, so this was a shock to me. We have had to deal with people knocking on the door wanting to buy the home nearly daily, so we did not know if this guy was legit, or a scammer. He begins screaming at me, triggering a panic attack and refused to leave, so I had to call the cops. This was our FIRST interaction with the new owner.

In November, we had to go to court since the new owner wanted us out. We contacted several landlord/tenant attorneys, and most refused to represent tenants, only landlords. We did find one sweet lawyer who gave us a consultation for $260, but would not represent us in court because she said that tenants just “never win cases in Douglas County”, where our home was. So, we were on our own in court. You could tell from the beginning before we presented our evidence that the judge completely favored the new landlord, and basically ignored all of our evidence. The new owner lied in court twice (that I noticed, maybe more). We presented our evidence of the issues with the home. We presented pictures of everything that was wrong, including the black mold caused by the toilet backing up. The judge ruled that the issues with the home did not meet the warranty of habitability requirements to be legally allowed to withhold rent, and ruled in favor of the new owner. We were given 48 hours to leave, but the new owner’s attorney gave us til the end of the week.

So we leave, and stay with my grandmother. We are definitely thankful for that! The original landlord tells us that he requested our deposit and last month’s rent out of a fund, and it will be there in 10 business days. 10 business days later, he beings to ignore me, too. What kind of person gives false hope to a family who is already in such a bad situation? Especially at the holidays?! Of course we would sue him if we could, but he is in bankruptcy.

I guess what I am trying to relay is that, if you are lucky enough to own a home, be thankful for it! We are extremely thankful just to have a roof over our heads at a relative’s home. However, it makes me terrified to try and rent another property. In 2006, we rented a home in Lakewood. The owner had died, and when a relative took over, they stopped paying the mortgage and that went into foreclosure, too. This was prior to the Protecting Tenants at Foreclosure Act, so we were just out of luck there. We did find out he got arrested for selling cocaine though, so we assume that is where our rent was going instead of covering the mortgage. In 2011, we rented a home in Littleton that had TONS of issues, including foundation issues. The home literally cracked in half, bugs came in, and we had to leave. We also did not have heat for 2 of the years we lived there, but we survived.

No one should have to go through the horrors we go through just to try and keep a roof over our kid’s heads. There should not be any county in this country where a lawyer is afraid to represent a tenant due to the low success rates of tenant’s winning their case under ANY circumstance.

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Life Lesson

On February 13th, Wentworth Miller posted on Facebook and said something that really resonated with me.

“Today self-care looked like recognizing and accepting that some people will model for me what I want and want to be, and others will model what I don’t want and don’t want to be… Both are of service. Both have value.”

About a year ago, the Universe brought someone into my life, and while I had to end it on not-so-great terms, (and yes I have proof that it was me that made this decision, NOT their hard-to-shed the ego here), I believe I learned a lot from this person.

I met someone online and we seemed to really ‘click’ with each other. Over the year, we had many phone calls (some lasting over 2 hours) of just chats about their life experiences, a little about me, and quite a bit about other people. I never liked the negative talk about others, but I went with it just so they could vent about things. Everyone needs to vent sometimes. There were many e-mails, private messages and chats over the year. Most would consider this a “friendship”, and despite their claims that I thought it was a “friendship”, I did not consider it that because friendships are two sided, not one sided. The funny thing is, I never had their phone number. It was always blocked, but they had mine. Therefore, it can never be said that any phone conversations were initiated by me.

Then one day, they said they were overwhelmed and did not want to chat privately anymore. I was fine with this, everyone needs space sometimes, but the conversation started up a few days later by them. This was followed by a complaint about someone they know that had given them trouble in the past, but was now being nice and peaceful. All this woman did was ask a simple question, to which set this other person that I had been talking to, in what seemed to be, a rage, claiming they couldn’t ever be friends with anyone. I replied peacefully, reiterating that I was fine not being their friend. This led to quite a nasty and negative message from them  claiming that I did something against them. The truth is, and I won’t go into details, is that what they were claiming I did against them is an act that they ASKED me to do for them months prior to help them figure something out, which I did as I was asked, then got slammed for it. I made the decision to cut ties because I could no longer deal with the paranoia, trash talk about others (especially the ones where they were nice to them publicly and privately directly to them, but talked bad about them behind their backs which means they more than likely have done the same to me). Despite all this, I made a promise that I would never share their private information, and I never will, but I do have the right to vent and stand up for myself against any ‘vague’ posts directed at me, which I watched them do to a few other people, just to try to get under their skin.

While I do not want them to spy on me, or have others check my social media sites as they had me do to others during the time we got along, they can post whatever vague or even direct posts claiming whatever she wants to. I know the truth, and that is good enough for me. I did momentarily feel ‘irked’ at this person’s behavior, which is why I write this blog, but it never hurt me and never will. I cut all ties and blocked them on every social media site that I could.

Honestly, I wish this person nothing but light and love, and hope they find peace.

I have learned that even the most seemingly amazing people with the most amazing abilities can be toxic just like any other person alive. I always thought that people with abilities who are enlightened would be peaceful and have a greater understanding of how their actions can hurt people (not me, but I have witnessed the hurt of others). The lesson I learned is to avoid stereotypes, even if those stereotypes are positive.



Over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed my intuition getting stronger. I have always been intuitive and empathic, but these incredibly strong intuitive feelings have been few and far between, up until recently. It is really difficult to deal with “knowing” things, but not being able to do anything about it. This is something I know I can fully accept one day though. I am a criminal justice major, and I have always been drawn to missing persons and cold cases. I usually get vague feelings about what may have happened, but it is hard to distinguish vague intuitive feelings from what might just be a guess.

During the summer of 2015, I had an encounter with a spirit that I could feel, but not necessarily hear. I was bombarded with mostly-blurry images of what happened to a young woman, how she died, images of who killed her, where she was killed etc. This led me to scan missing persons cases and homicide cases. One day on my search, I found an image that looked very similar to the young woman that I saw in my head. What I actually saw looked like a sketch that was done of her recently combined with a clay reconstruction done in the early 90’s. When I found her case, it felt like a lightning bolt hit my solar plexus. I found out that the young woman who I was seeing in my head was buried in the cemetery next to my apartment complex for about 20 years before her remains were exhumed for further examination. I moved to this town in 2013, so this was not a case that I knew of. Her body was found in 1993, when I was 8 years old. I ended up having a remote viewing episode for the first time during this experience. The spirit hung around me for a few weeks but there was nothing I could do with the information that I received, and eventually this spirit went away, but comes back on occasion. 

A couple weeks ago, I saw a story on Facebook about an elderly woman and her great-granddaughter that went missing on Christmas eve. In my mind, I saw a vehicle in a wooded area, and that they were both alive but ‘stuck’ somehow and would be found. I saw them eating snacks in the vehicle, and that they had drinks with them. I felt slight confusion when thinking about the elderly woman, turning into worry after the vehicle became stuck. This turned out to be fairly accurate.

On New Year’s eve, a 6 year old boy went missing, and a 13 year old boy from the same area went missing the next day. I discussed my feelings with a friend, and told her that I felt that the 13 year old was fine, with a friend, and would be found soon. I told her that I felt that the 6 year old was deceased. On January 2nd, I decided to join the search efforts for the little boy to see if I could pick anything else up intuitively. I signed the volunteer agreement, presented my identification to the police and walked straight to a pond near the parking lot at the park. This pond was searched previously, but I was drawn to it. I spent about half an hour walking around it, but could not see anything. I walked around the neighborhood for a few hours, then my friend suggested that I borrow her dowsing rods. It was too windy to use them outside, but I did go pick them up and I used them in the parking lot in my car with my arms stretched over the passenger seat to use them properly. I do not have a lot of experience using them, but I know the basics of how to use them. I asked for the direction of his body, and it pointed in the general area of the pond, then they started spinning in huge circles. I didn’t understand what that meant. I left, then a press conference took place, in which police requested that volunteers stop searching so they could bring in a different canine unit. This canine unit directed them to the pond, where they ended up using a dive team to search. Unfortunately, that is where his body was discovered. I have other intuitive feelings regarding this incident, but feel that I cannot share them at this time out of respect.

There are also two other missing persons cases that are still active that I felt drawn to. One is a female from Littleton that disappeared June 29th, and I felt that police should have been searching dumpsters and landfills back in July, so I have been very frustrated with how her case has been handled. However, the search probably will not lead to anything that can be used against the perpetrator. I feel like her body was destroyed with chemicals. At least police know who killed her, and can monitor him, but it is doubtful that he will be arrested anytime soon, if ever.

The other missing persons case is regarding a 16 year old girl who disappeared mid July. I believe that she met someone on the internet, is most likely being drugged and possibly trafficked. I feel that she is currently alive, but I do not have any feelings as to when/how this will end yet. I am hoping for a positive resolution here though!

Back in June, I spoke with James Van Praagh. I had signed up for one of his classes earlier in the year, and a brief phone reading was included. He encouraged me to keep going in the criminal justice field, but to find psychic mentors that could help me further develop my abilities and he suggest that I read books by Kathlyn Rhea, who was a psychic detective that passed away a few years ago, but was a friend of his. I am almost done with her book called, “The Psychic is You” and I bought her other book called “Mind Sense” but have not read it yet. I think I will be taking the rest of his advice though, and search for a mentor.

It’s Easier to Love Humanity as a Whole Than to Love One’s Neighbor


With everything that has happened since Trump became the Republican nominee, this quote comes to my mind. I consider myself to be fairly loving, open, and accepting of those that think differently than I do. However, I do have my limits, and being this person is becoming very difficult.

I do understand why many voted for Trump, and many are good people who do not accept his hateful speech or behaviors. Many of Trump voters are angry about how some Trump supporters have taken Trump’s victory as a free pass to harass and assault women, minorities, and members of the LGBTQ community. The problem is, everyone knew who he was before they voted for him. He was, and is, the embodiment of hate. Just as there are ‘bad apples’ in the group of Trump supporters, there are ‘bad apples’ who support Clinton, and ‘bad apples’ that support third parties or chose not to vote because they did not like their options. Trumps hatred is like a disease that is spreading, not just to his supporters, but spreading to those that oppose him as well. I have seen videos of Trump supporters being attacked, but the amount of those videos and stories are no where near the amount of stories I have read and videos I have watched where Trump supporters were the ones attacking women and minorities.

I still cannot return the hate for him or the people who voted for him.

The memes I have seen, and the posts and comments I have read in regards to the MANY Trump protests that are occurring do upset me. So many people seem to think the protests are happening because ‘democrats didn’t get their way and a Republican will be in office’ or because ‘their candidate did not win’. I apologize, but what fucking planet are you living on? Can you remove your blindfold for just a minute here. People are protesting because they do not want the embodiment of hate to lead their country. They are not okay with banning Muslims, they are not okay with women’s and LGBTQ rights being squashed, and they are not okay with racism or making fun of people with disabilities. As I have said, there are ‘bad apples’ in this group that now have developed a different form of hate; a hate against those who do not understand this, or full out support what they are trying to fight against. Bottom line, the hate is dividing all of us, and the violence and harassment on all sides needs to end if we want to get anywhere. If you cannot understand why people are protesting, then ask someone to explain it, or keep to yourself. It hurts those that are fighting really hard for their rights, or rights of loved ones when you say, “stop whining and accept it”, or “we didn’t do this when Obama took office.” OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T. YOUR RIGHTS AND SAFETY WERE NOT BEING THREATENED. Please remember, “we” did not protest like this when Bush took office, either. We were sad, but this is a much different situation here.

This is why this quote is coming to my mind. It is easy to say that I love, and will not hate, humanity as a whole, but when you see individual comments filled with hatred or blindness, it makes it hard to love that individual.

I do not have any problem when I cannot see eye to eye with someone. This is not the point. I have friends and family that support Trump, and while I disagree with this very deeply, none of them are directly spreading hate. It does make the relationships a little more difficult though. I have lots of gay family members, a couple Muslim friends, black friends and family, I have a disability and have friends and family members with disabilities. How would I try to make my Trump supporting friends and family understand WHY Trump is a problem? I have stated my reasoning publicly, but how do I get them to TRULY understand? The fact is, I can’t. People have their beliefs, including political views for various reasons. It’s like being at opposite ends of a 6 and a 9. From their point of view, a 6 is a 6 and that is the end of the story. I see a 9, and everyone on my side sees a 9 too. No one can turn their head enough to realize that it could be both, or look at from the side and it’s neither, it’s just a design. No letter, no number.

I am grateful that this situation has caused many to wake up to the problems in our political system and all the problems and division that the media causes. I have never seen so many people fired up to actually want to do something to make a difference. Perhaps this happened for a reason, to wake people up. Maybe we can finally actually make a difference now that we have the numbers.

I do apologize if this offends anyone, but this is just my opinion and my way of thinking and you certainly do not have to agree and feel free to unfollow. I have turned off the comments due to a lot of the hateful speech I have read recently.


A Night to Remember

 A weekend of music, trips to the beach, random detours, and new experiences  with one of my best friends was exactly what I needed to escape, but our final evening in California was the most incredible night ever. We arrived at Ohanafest shortly before Lana del Rey was scheduled to take the stage. She was late, and ended early as usual, but it was still an incredible show. Listening to her sing “High by the Beach” live at a concert by the beach while another random concert goer passed a joint to me was quite epic! We decided to walk towards the beach instead of follow the crowd of people out of the concert. I usually do not do anything too crazy, but something came over me that night. It may have been the vodka, but I was overwhelmed with a feeling to just do something wild. The waves were amazing and the stars were very bright! I threw my tank top and shorts on the ground and bolted into the ocean. I only went waist deep into the water and ducked under each wave that passed by. All of the dead, stagnant energy that I had felt over the past few weeks seemed to be washed away as the waves rolled over my head. I played in the water like a child for almost an hour before the patrols started clearing people off the beach. Thankfully I was wearing another tank top and spank shorts under my clothes, because my friend was sitting a little too close to the water and most of my belongings were covered in sand and drenched in water! I ended up walking back to our rental car with my clothes in a bucket and zero shame. It was definitely a night that I will never forget!

Reality Check

I started this blog two years ago. I began re-reading my posts, which made me realize that I have grown quite a bit, but I still feel so ‘stuck’. Two years ago, I did not really know how to get unstuck. Now, I consciously know where my feelings of being stuck come from (ME), but I am having a really hard time making the changes that need to be made.

I am constantly going back and forth between knowing that I am constantly a work in progress and accepting that, and thinking that things should be better and different for me NOW. I admit, I am terribly impatient, especially when it comes to myself.

Two years ago, I was struggling with school because I feel that I am not learning very much writing essay after essay. I learn by doing. Now, I am still struggling for the same reason, but at least I am closer to finishing my bachelor’s degree than I was two years ago. I even earned a certification in forensics, but that alone won’t help me get a job unfortunately. But still….I earned it! I am TRYING to be proud of myself, but I admit, sometimes an extra pat on the back helps. Crazy enough, an actress that I looked up to as a pre-teen/teen added me on Facebook earlier this year, and congratulated me on that accomplishment, along with many other family and friends. Even then, it still isn’t enough of an incentive for me to get over myself and put in more effort to do better in school.

Two years ago, I would not have even tried to apply for a job. Now, I have had my resume professionally reviewed, and I continue to apply for jobs daily, despite all the rejection letters I get. I do really think that getting a job will help me a great deal. I would be able to get out of my daily rut that I find myself in because I would have something else to focus on and a reason to leave the house on a daily basis. I wish I could find a job that included travelling or working with missing persons cases. This is why I continue with school despite how much I hate it. I am trying to keep my eye on the prize here, it just isn’t easy for me to do.

I decided to do a tarot spread this morning. These are two important cards that came up for me.

Basically, I am the only person preventing me from reaching my destiny. I know this, and I take full responsibility for it. I wouldn’t say that the words “trapped in fear” really describe my situation, but I am trapped by my thoughts and my way of thinking. It’s like the cat that is in a carrier, feeling trapped while looking out the door of the carrier, not realizing that the top is removed. The top of my cage is probably removed for me to be able to escape, I just cannot see it right now.

This is what the book says about these cards. This is “The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck” by John Holland.

“Trapped in fear: This card reveals that it’s actually your own fear that has you immobilized and trapped- preventing you  from making decisions or choices. You are the one who’s holding yourself prisoner (or hostage); and in order to continue your journey, you must first face your fears so that new people and conditions can manifest. Many individuals choose to stay in this place because they can’t see the road ahead, they feel a misguided sense of safety there, or they’re  afraid of starting something new. But staying will only add to your levels of stress and anxiety and create adverse effects in your physical body. Seek out wise counsel for assistance. You don’t have to do this alone, but know that you possess all the tools  that you need to free yourself– you’re forgetting how strong you really are! This period will end when you use your mind to cut through the limitations caused by your emotions”

“Destiny: Good luck and fortune are now in your favor. A cycle of change, success, and growth are imminent. Life ebbs and flows in its natural journey, and the Destiny Card signifies that good karma has come full circle- Lady Luck is pointing directly at you. What you sowed, you’re about to reap. Open up your heart, and accept and receive what you’ve earned. Opportunities, whether expected or unexpected, are knocking at your door. This is a time to allow your problems to be replaced by solutions. Believe in destiny as you learn to let go of old issues. You’re being given the chance to understand the lessons and gain wisdom from the past, enabling you to move steadily forward in a positive direction. Holding on to a strong belief that you deserve to be happy and prosperous and have abundance in all areas of your life is the key. This confident mind-set will show you that the impossible can indeed become the possible. With this card, take advantage of all opportunities! Act now, take responsibility for your actions, and enjoy the fact that destiny is presently in your favor. Don’t always rely on luck, however, for the wheel most definitely will turn again.”




I love this outlook on grief because it really resonates with me. One really difficult aspect of grief is dealing with people who love me, but are not grieving because they do not know the person I am loosing, or were not very close to this person.

I know they mean well by saying, “Hey! Let’s go do this!” or “This will cheer you up!” or “Try to remember the good times.”…Thanks for caring, but please, fuck off.

When I was three, my father got married. I only saw him every other weekend and holidays, and at times when he moved out of state, I would spend about a week with him and my step mother. My parents were never married (thank god). This wonderful woman and her entire family accepted me and love me, and I accepted them as my family and love them as well. My father and step-mother divorced when I was 11, but I still spent time with my step mother and her family whenever I could. I never divorced her or her family, and they never divorced me. When you connect with people on a deep level, whether they are blood or not, a forever-bond is formed. This is what happened between me, her and her family. As a child, I played with my ‘cousins’ (her brother and sister-in-law’s children) and loved spending time with my ‘aunt and uncle’. They were the most loving, positive people I have ever met in my life. When I was little, they usually lived in a different state. When my father and step mother moved to Texas, and later to Florida, my aunt, uncle and cousins were nearby. I loved taking trips to see my father and step mother, and having my aunt, uncle and cousins around was a huge bonus! As an adult, my aunt, uncle and cousins moved to Colorado, where I live. I was so excited to see them more often. For many years, I spent the majority of my Saturday nights with them singing at karaoke bars. They threw amazing parties, threw birthday parties for me, and we spent several holidays together. These are some of the best and happiest memories of my life. Whenever I needed advice or just needed to vent, I always had my aunt to lean on. She was a big mother figure in my life.

In August 2014, my ‘aunt’ was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma (brain cancer). I felt absolutely devastated at the thought of her not being in my life anymore. I fell into a severe depression for months. When she started to get better, I felt relieved but always knew the severity of her condition, and it’s been a constant worry for me for the past two years.Two nights ago, I got a text message saying that she has taken a turn for the worse, and to keep her in our thoughts because her life would be coming to an end soon. This was followed by a ‘goodbye’ text. All of the feelings that I felt when she was first diagnosed returned with the reality that she really is not going to be here anymore.

There are a lot of aspects of grief that I struggle with, and constantly have to remind myself that my struggles are okay. Even though I am quite aware that it is only her body that is dying, and that her soul will always be around, it’s still okay to be sad and miss her. When my grandfather died, he came up to my room to say goodbye and I still see him on occasion. I’m sure this will be the same with my aunt. When my great-grandmother died when I was 9 years old, my body was asleep in my bed, but I was there holding her hand as she took herself off oxygen. Death is a beautiful part of life, but it is still okay to grieve. It is not okay to compare your level of grief with someone else’s. Everyone grieves differently. As horrible as I feel, I cannot imagine how her children or husband feel. Part of me feels like she wasn’t my mother, so I should not feel THIS awful, but I do. No one may understand that, and that is okay too. Another part of me feels like I should not be sad because of the beautiful place that she will be able to go to once she passes, but I still am very sad. I may be able to see her once she passes, but I do not know for sure. I can only hope. I know she chose what she would experience in this life before she was even born, but the thought of her absence in physical form still breaks my heart. There are times when I am okay with her leaving this physical world, there are times when I cannot help the tears roll like waves down my face, and other times where I cannot help but have an ‘ugly cry’. Grief really is like the ocean, and I am swimming to the best of my ability. Ocean image

“There are no limits, except for those that we impose on ourselves”


I read an interesting article today. ( [Original link did not work, updated 5/2019]

“Our sixth sense has been feared and revered since humans were a much more primitive species, depending on what period of history you had the (mis)fortune of being born in. If you were lucky enough be born into a Native American tribe, you may have been recognized for your inner genius and exalted as your community’s shaman.”

I can really relate to this section of the article. I have witnessed through dreams what I have gone through in past lives for having abilities, and it isn’t pretty. More than one psychic has described these experiences during readings in eerie detail that match up with my dreams. I am consciously aware that my fear of using any abilities I have stems from my negative past life experiences, but it doesn’t make it easier for that fear to go away. I consciously know that in this life, if I use my abilities, the worst things that could happen would be saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or being mocked by those that do not understand. It still doesn’t make things any easier, and my dreams really stick with me whether I want them to or not. I would say my worst past life experience would have been having nails hammered into my knees!

The article also discussed using your “7th sense”. It was written in a way that makes it seem so simple to access this “place” beyond space and time, where all questions you have can be answered if you focus and try really hard. Maybe it is “that easy” for some, but definitely not for me. Some people have a beautiful, natural ability to access this space, but I believe that this space is not as easily accessible as described in the article for a reason.

For the past couple years, I have felt growth in regards to consciousness and abilities, and growth is hard. Nobody has the same path, and it makes it hard to relate to others, whether they are far beyond where I am, or far behind. It can feel quite isolating at times. I love the example mentioned in the movie, “Stir of Echoes”, where it compares abilities to being in a dark tunnel with a flashlight. Some people have a bright flashlight, some have a flashlight that only turns on once in a while. My flashlight is turning on more and more, but I am not yet in a place where I can make sense of what I see all the time. I can ‘open up’ and not see anything, and with another attempt, I can see things quite clearly, depending on what I am trying to focus on. The real wild ride comes when I ‘open up’ without focusing on anything. I can see certain situations from various perspectives, and not just the perspectives of other people, but other ‘beings’ or ‘energies’ that I cannot fully describe. At one point, in my mind, I stepped back to watch time. It was a place where past, present and future were all happening simultaneously. I hope to one day have more control and understanding about what I experience, but I already have more control and understanding now than I had two years ago when my ‘growth’ started to accelerate. All I can really confidently say about whatever is happening is that it is all very beautiful! I have developed a deep appreciation for both the light and the dark, and a sense of gratitude for everything.






Common Theme to Learn From

Sometimes when scrolling on social media sites, I will see common thoughts or emotions expressed by friends and family members who do not know each other and are located in various places all over the world. The most common theme this week is valuing your time on Earth, owning your life, taking of opportunities that cross your path to better yourself, and believing in yourself. I have seen so many posts, quotes, and pictures referencing this life lesson. Then a couple songs play back to back on Pandora. These are songs I’ve heard a million times, but never really listened to because it’s not the usual music I prefer.

And then I realized that this is my favorite concert venue, the place I used to climb and sneak into caves, the place where someone’s ashes are spread–Red Rocks.

This was the other one.


….or I could just be high….The world may never know.

It’s Starting to Come Back To Me Now


I started re-reading journals that I began writing in 1999 at the age of 15. I wish that I had documented my dreams, experiences, thoughts, and songs that I had written at an earlier age because re-reading my journals have helped me remember things that I had forgotten, especially experiences with other beings. Here is one of those entries:

October 26, 1999

“Dream Entry-I was in a space ship-one that I was never on before. The aliens were not like any other I have dreamed about or seen on T.V. They were full of light and wore grayish-silvery suits. Their faces were human-like, but the sides of their faces were indented and striped like rainbows. They took me somewhere, but I don’t remember where. It was somewhere good though. I could sense that they didn’t have any intentions of hurting me or taking me anywhere that I didn’t like. Their souls were full of joy and they made me feel very content.”

Re-reading this particular entry triggered earlier childhood memories. I HAD seen them before many times as a young child. I remember at one point in a dream that they had explained to me that they had visited me ever since I was very, very young. They told me that in those dreams when I was on ships, that they took the form of people I recognized to make it less traumatic for me when they needed to visit me and so that I would “cooperate” with them. This was explained to me when I was about 11 or 12, at a time when they felt I could mentally handle seeing their true form instead of characters/people I recognized. I called them “The Rainbow Trout People”, but I have no clue what they are actually called. I do think they were some sort of shape-shifting species. I now remember other dreams that occurred when I was about 10 and younger. I remember being on another planet a few times. It almost looked like the beach scene in the movie “Contact”, but it was before that movie came out so I know that had nothing to do with the dreams. I remember the beings of light that were human-like and I always remember they asked my permission first before taking me. I remember seeing two or three moons or really close-up nearby planets when I was on the surface. As I continue to re-read my entries, WTF is what runs through my mind. I will be posting other entries on a separate blog. Here is another entry that seems to be abduction related.

February 12th, 2004

I have no memory of what happened last night or what dream(s) I had.

“Entry- I woke up burned on my arms and legs. It was like I got a sunburn while I was asleep.”

And another…

Unknown Date-2004

“I don’t know which species took me, but they were peaceful. They asked me if they could test my emotions and reactions to different scenarios. I agreed. They started to show me various “levels” of something like different dimensions. In the first [scenario], I was lying on Scott’s [a friend’s] couch. Scott was sitting on the other couch and Spencer [another friend at the time] was sitting on the floor by my head. We were watching TV and I had complete control. The second [scenario], Hannah, Noah, Mady (some of my siblings), Steph (my step mom), Beth and Shayna (my stepmom’s sister and niece) and I all went to Beth’s apartment to spend the night. We were going to watch a movie, but her TV got all messed up. We all went over to my dad and Steph’s house and caught my dad cheating on my stepmom. She was devastated and went nuts; especially in the kitchen. She threw everything on the counters all over the room. My dad promised to never cheat again previous to this. I was a bit sad and felt sympathy for Steph. I had control [in this scenario], but not a lot. The third [scenario], I was in a prehistoric era. They covered me with giant pre-historic bugs that were 1-2 feet tall. The weight of the bugs knocked me down. I freaked out and screamed. I did not have much control. They [the entities testing me] shut it off and told me to pretend like it was just a bad dream. They apologized, but I told them I’d still continue. The fourth [scenario] was pitch black. They were trying to help me experience another dimension. I was weightless, but I just kept spinning and spinning. It made me feel very nauseated. I had no control at all. I told them telepathically that it was making me ill. They turned it off and returned me to my body. It was like a Star Trek holodeck type thing. I woke up feeling as though I had not slept at all, so I had to go back to sleep.”